Swedish Steel

Hey, if I only had a digital camera, I'd have posted this pic of Tyler and me chilling out a long time ago. This was back in August 2004, I think. I'm still chilling with disposable cam, the best for candid shots.

So, my wife and I "passed" our interview at the US Citizenship and Immigration Services office on Tuesday. The interview was to determine the validity of our marriage, and ultimately whether my little Aussie can remain in this country.

It went swimmingly well and far too easy for the prior stress we put ourselves through.
Trying to get her on all my banking and credit accounts, utility bills, phone bills, lease co-signers, evidence of trips taken together (does the winery daytrip to Solano County count?), photos, all sorts of shit, was a pain. We were ready, and the guy didn't even grill us.
So, America, welcome Jo to the Grand 'Ol USA as a temporary permanent(?) resident alien!

Now, in my years (I just cracked the age of 32 last week) I've picked up on some wisdom.
Some of this can be boiled down to a few general truths, other times it's a bit more tangible and specific.

Tonight I offer three of the latter.

Skimping.

Don't ever skimp on the following items.

1. Aluminum Foil. Do not get the shit off-brand that's 89 cents less than your tried and true Reynolds Wrap. You fuck around with this rule, and you deserve 89% lesser quality foil.

2. Cookware. Now, you don't need at $600.00 10 piece set of All Clad Triple Ply cookware. But, don't get yourself the $11.99 twelve inch frying pan at Albertons. You deserve to scorch your balls and your eggs if you do.

3. A paper shredder. I recently violated this rule, and spent a little less than I should have on a shredder. I went for something that can shred cd roms and up to eight sheets of paper. The fact that I've already had to pick out stuck bits of paper even once is one too many times. Next time, I'm getting one that can shred binders and my wife's Vanity Fair annual fashion issue without skipping a beat.

I was ready for something different than the usual weeknight routine of gym/run, light meal, reading, then bed. Luckily, my wife suggested we stop by A.G. Ferrari's where she can pick up some designer water to research for the article she pitched toThe Wave Mag . By the way, The Wave just printed her first print article for them.

None of the water there was "proper wanky" to merit mention in her article. Except my wife says it "prop-ah" in her delightful Aussie accent. The people working there must have been glad to see us. We were trying to get the hell out of there, but they didn't allow us to exit without sampling at least six wines and about three or four cheeses.

After the second wine sample, the daily sandwich special of "mortadella, gorgonzala-pine nut spread, green-leaf lettuce, pickles and tomatoes" just called to me. Jo suggested we split one.

No way babe, there was no way I would settle for half a sandwich.

As you might gather from the previous post, once I got home from work last Friday, I cracked open a forty of ice cold Olde English 800. The second it hit my lips, the tension from the a whole week's worth of frustration just melted away.

My buddy Stretchy-Stretch called to see what I was up to. All he could say "How bout I come by, and drive you to the liquor store for a second four-oh? Cause I know that's what you're gonna need in about 20 minutes." Sho-nuff, Stretch pulled up in his Saturn, and I went with a Mickeys. I was feeling damn good come 8:30 pm.

For Saturday breakfast I skipped the usual scrambled eggs (these are really good scrambled eggs)and toast, and went with a whole can of refried beans, some srirachi sauce and grated parmesan. Damn it was good.

*sigh*

Crack a 40 and laugh.

I always thought a neat idea for a website is it profile people who've had personal makeovers due to some tragedy or scandal. You know, everyday people suddenly thrust into the spotlight.

Of course, I've only been able to think of a couple people that fit into this category.

Now what brought this into my mind was I saw some lame-ass Dateline special with Matt Lauer interviewing Scott Peterson's half-sister. Of course, I can only think of Amber's transformation from


Saturday morning hangover look to >

an Alien.

Example number two is everyone's favorite hag, and she's gone full circle...


Ugly Duckling to

Bride of Frankenstein to


to... is that Michael Jackson?? to


my Junior High Librarian.

I don't feel bad for Linda Tripp because she's a loser, and Amber is just a gullible slut.

Now it's the people I really feel for, that bypass the tragedy/scandal induced makeover.

This poor guy saw his mother killed by the BTK killer when he was five. When I saw him on CNN he was wearing his Jagermeister t-shirt and sporting a mullet. He doesn't care what he looks like on tv, none of that matters to him. He's not going to write a book.


Fred Goldman was on tv every night for year and never trimmed that ridiculous mustache.