Swedish Steel

Check out my Celebrity Chef Report blog (link on the left) for no other reason than to see the most awesome pic ever taken of Nigella Lawson. Ah man.....


After approximately one year, three months of increasing disappointment, putting up with buggy hardware and software, I am seriously considering kicking my P.O.S HP pavilion to the curb.

Its crimes: running slower than shit, tendency to freeze when I have two or more spreadsheets open at the same time, device driver not available for the HP branded printer I purchased at the same time (does not exist on CD-rom, or hp.com/support, kicking me out of Yahoo Messenger on a regular basis, apps shutting down and me sending error reports to MSFT.
To top it off, it contracts what must be "Computer AIDS" and is slowly dying. I thought that's why I run Norton Internet Security 2004 on the fucker. No Anti-Virus program seems to extend its life and free it from pain... Any of you tech geniuses have a cure... there's an ice cold forty of Mickey's in it for you.
Otherwise, I see relief in sight..

-First part, make sure the beer* is properly chilled.
-Second part, rinse, and pat dry one whole chicken, 3, 4, up to 5 lbs.
-Third part, lightly crush about three cloves of garlic.
-Fourth part, salt and pepper inside and outside of chicken.
-Fifth part, coat chicken with rub seasoning. Me? I used leftover Moroccan spice rub from my bro Tyler's book.
-Sixth part, crack that beer, drink half, and throw the garlic cloves in.

Shove beer up chicken's ass, throw it on the grill**, and kick it for about 90 minutes.
I jammed a square of foil on at the neck opening to keep the steam and heat in.

At the end, I was tempted to drink the beer with all the chicken drippings and garlic.


* I used canned beer, fool. "3 Horses" is available at Trader Joe's, in 16 oz. cans.
** Indirect heat.

Been married a year today. It's amazing how time flies.
Tonight, I'm ordering anything I want on the menu, no holds barred.

Bring on the Filet Mignon, bitches! Unless I decide to order something else. I don't even know what's on the menu, besides a great time.

"That new girl with the big ass gets an office right away?"

Master Kim always told us "Get knocked down nine times, get back up ten." Then he would usually berate us for being pussies. He said if we were in Korea, he'd make us run barefoot on the streets during heatwaves when the tar was melting.

I was knocked down tonight...but fellas, te promeso, "operacion seis-cuatro" vida siempre en mi corazon!


*Master Kim is the one delivering the kick

Plunked down for the tonight's tix. Homeboy told me how great the show in Santa Cruz was last night. I couldn't let this one pass me by like the Midnite Vultures tour way back in 99.

Religion of piece.

Pieces of flesh.

I'm fucking pissed. These fucking pussy-ass, backwards, ignorant, intolerant, gangraping, medieval, losers, shitheads are killing innocent people. My heart goes out to the people of London, but it is tempered by my unmitigated rage at the world of militant islamism. Now is not to time to mourn and reflect.

People, the second we give one inch to them, if we show them any internal weakness and divisiveness, we are done. These people are not generous in victory. We have a long tradition of respect and generosity to the conquered. If they ever won a war, they would come house to house, room to room, kill any able bodied men, and gang-rape any women. People! Do you fucking see what is going on? These people are too chicken shit to fight a real war, hide behind women and children, kill and torment non-Muslims, hide behind lies and deception, and shoot and run. They train their children to kill, promote a culture of death, and hate and detest anything slightly contrary to their warped minds. Intolerance and lack of diversity? We don't have that problem. Spread that message to these fuckers.

This is why I have detested liberal politicians for quite some time now. Nancy Pelosi and her dumbfuck Demoncat party are trying to divide this country without any thought of the future, and preserving anything generations have fought to protect. Don't agree with the war in Iraq? FINE! But don't drag us down with internal bickering that only encourages these scumbags. You Demoncats want to look good? Quit complaining and offer something constructive. Even though he's full of shit, John Kerry said he would increase troop levels and add to our special forces. Great idea, on paper. However, without a "Clinton-esque" lowering of standards, it'll be practically impossible to up our Special Forces count. These are some of the smartest, bravest, motivated men on earth. The don't just come out nowhere. Approximately 95% of SF applicants fail testing. The applicant pool is even weaker now that Clinton made it so even pussies can hack it in basic training.

Politicians in stupid PR moves reach out "moderate" muslim leaders, but the problem seems to be there aren't that many around. The lesson here is don't reach out to a culture skilled in the art of deception and charm, without knowing who the fuck you're talking to. Political Correctness over self preservation is the kiss of death. Your killers will come with smiles.

When they come to my door, I'll give them two in the chest and one in the head. Go ahead and tell them you were against the war. They'll just kill you that much quicker.

Ahhh... thank the maker... I am so happy to have made it to this weekend. After a couple of weeks of dinner work-throughs, shitty catered food, expectations to give a shit about my "C-G-U" (work acronym), all guns blazing to make my quarterly number...it is over. I kicked ass, and got ripped on Thursday night with a couple of work co-conspirators. When the scene of the crime is Applebee's, with nary a biker, no washed up aged bleach-blonde sluts.. I know I'm missing something. A good bar needs a 50 year old broad that can kick my ass at pool and in the ring. Next time we're going to "Shooters" and kick it with the people that keep the world moving.

Today, my babe and I got up early to hit the trails. Something's wrong when rising at 6am is considered sleeping in. Shiiittt. Rancho San Antonio is a sweet place to hike or trail run, despite the constant overcrowding of dumbasses, unable to stop their lame-ass gabfest just to enjoy the view for half a second, and lumbering three to four across. Luckily, with my ninja-like reflexes, I was able to outmaneuver them.

Remember to celebrate everything great about America this weeked. Have a great 4th.