Monday, June 28, 2004
You know you're doing great when you mix up the names
of the two black women at work.
Heyyyy!!!
of the two black women at work.
Heyyyy!!!
Thursday, June 24, 2004
REGULAR BUSINESS HOURS.
They suck. Most of the vital services you need are only open when you're at work.
Gotta fix your car? Then tell your boss you're leaving for a while do deal with your hoopty's questionable timing belt while you should be "providing value".
I suggest opening a whole slew of services with hours starting at 5pm, and closing at 1am.
Banks, Auto repair, pest control, gardening, house repair, even the fucking cable guy.
Imagine getting hammered at happy hour, then strolling to the bank at 10:58pm, slurring and stumbling your way in line so you can put a stop payment on that $14.38 check you can't cover.
On another note, here's another kitchen appliance that is pointless.
Pizza Pizzaz This thing just makes me mad.
They suck. Most of the vital services you need are only open when you're at work.
Gotta fix your car? Then tell your boss you're leaving for a while do deal with your hoopty's questionable timing belt while you should be "providing value".
I suggest opening a whole slew of services with hours starting at 5pm, and closing at 1am.
Banks, Auto repair, pest control, gardening, house repair, even the fucking cable guy.
Imagine getting hammered at happy hour, then strolling to the bank at 10:58pm, slurring and stumbling your way in line so you can put a stop payment on that $14.38 check you can't cover.
On another note, here's another kitchen appliance that is pointless.
Pizza Pizzaz This thing just makes me mad.
Saturday, June 12, 2004
In about two hours, I'll be reunited with the love of my life.
Eight years ago in college, my life took a turn when I met this intriguing Aussie exchange student. She was sexy, stylish, had a beautiful accent, and amazingly enough, she liked me, eventually we fell in love with each other.
After that fateful semester, she returned to Australia, and I went and did my exchange student thing in Mexico. After three years of seeing each other every six to ten months, trying to figure something out where we could be together, it ended.
Five years of little to no communication, with one brief series of communiques exploring the possibility of seeing each other again, we hadn't talked/emailed/wrote to each other. I tried to move on, but when I found myself boycotting watching the Sydney Olympics, I knew I was still messed in the head over her. No need to go into details, but in the manner it ended, I believed she moved on completely, without the gut-wrenching void I felt, and continued to feel for years.
This void manifested in the poor way I treated other women I dated, through no fault of their own. Every relationship I started, even from the first kiss, the first thought I had was always, "I wonder how this one will end?" Certainly not the material for a long relationship.
She contacted me late 2003, and told me she had not forgotten about me. On the contrary, she shared many of the same feelings I still had about her. After a terrifying (to me) flight to Sydney, we were together for the first time in five years. Amazing, how it seems like yesterday when you are so...I guess it would be connected with someone. We connect on a level that I have never done with anyone since we met. It took two weeks in Sydney (actually, less than that) to realize we are meant to be together.
So, what now? She's coming here tonight for a visit. Now we decide. Sydney or San Jose.
Eight years ago in college, my life took a turn when I met this intriguing Aussie exchange student. She was sexy, stylish, had a beautiful accent, and amazingly enough, she liked me, eventually we fell in love with each other.
After that fateful semester, she returned to Australia, and I went and did my exchange student thing in Mexico. After three years of seeing each other every six to ten months, trying to figure something out where we could be together, it ended.
Five years of little to no communication, with one brief series of communiques exploring the possibility of seeing each other again, we hadn't talked/emailed/wrote to each other. I tried to move on, but when I found myself boycotting watching the Sydney Olympics, I knew I was still messed in the head over her. No need to go into details, but in the manner it ended, I believed she moved on completely, without the gut-wrenching void I felt, and continued to feel for years.
This void manifested in the poor way I treated other women I dated, through no fault of their own. Every relationship I started, even from the first kiss, the first thought I had was always, "I wonder how this one will end?" Certainly not the material for a long relationship.
She contacted me late 2003, and told me she had not forgotten about me. On the contrary, she shared many of the same feelings I still had about her. After a terrifying (to me) flight to Sydney, we were together for the first time in five years. Amazing, how it seems like yesterday when you are so...I guess it would be connected with someone. We connect on a level that I have never done with anyone since we met. It took two weeks in Sydney (actually, less than that) to realize we are meant to be together.
So, what now? She's coming here tonight for a visit. Now we decide. Sydney or San Jose.
Thursday, June 10, 2004
When you're grown up, you can have deviled eggs for dinner.
Tuesday, June 08, 2004
I was just at Target the other day to buy a Bodum coffee press for my lady (Mr. Coffee just doesn't cut it). As a huge fan of housewares, kitchen appliances, and cooking, I took my time to peruse the various goods in the Housewares Dept. I couldn't help notice a few things and make some observations.
The following items are pointless, and you should punch yourself in the balls if you own any one of them.
1. The George Foreman Grill: This f'd up contraption touts itself as a "Lean, Mean, Fat-Reducing machine. Excuse me, EVERY grill on the planet lets the fat and grease drip off the food. Do you really need that grease tray to prove that you reduced the fat of your meal? Commence Nut-Punching.
2. A Smoothie Machine: Don't buy this Hmm, this thing looks familiar? Yep, it's a blender with that cool spout to pour your freshly made smoothie directly into a glass. You know, instead of the overwhelming task of lifting the jar, bending your elbow, and holding the glass steady while you pour. Take that smoothie and stick it between your legs until you can't reproduce.
3. Quesadilla Maker Do I even have to say it?
This review on Amazon.com says it all.
Quesadillas are for losers. Whosoever eats one will die and burn in the deepest depths of hell for all eternity. Maybe even longer, I don't know. The 11th commandment should be: thou shalt not eat qeusadillas. PS: No one I know, or at least nobody important, owns this piece of tripe. Take it from me.
A Kitchen & Housewares enthusiast from Nebraska.
PS: Someone teach me how to add pictures to my blog! (please).
The following items are pointless, and you should punch yourself in the balls if you own any one of them.
1. The George Foreman Grill: This f'd up contraption touts itself as a "Lean, Mean, Fat-Reducing machine. Excuse me, EVERY grill on the planet lets the fat and grease drip off the food. Do you really need that grease tray to prove that you reduced the fat of your meal? Commence Nut-Punching.
2. A Smoothie Machine: Don't buy this Hmm, this thing looks familiar? Yep, it's a blender with that cool spout to pour your freshly made smoothie directly into a glass. You know, instead of the overwhelming task of lifting the jar, bending your elbow, and holding the glass steady while you pour. Take that smoothie and stick it between your legs until you can't reproduce.
3. Quesadilla Maker Do I even have to say it?
This review on Amazon.com says it all.
Quesadillas are for losers. Whosoever eats one will die and burn in the deepest depths of hell for all eternity. Maybe even longer, I don't know. The 11th commandment should be: thou shalt not eat qeusadillas. PS: No one I know, or at least nobody important, owns this piece of tripe. Take it from me.
A Kitchen & Housewares enthusiast from Nebraska.
PS: Someone teach me how to add pictures to my blog! (please).
Saturday, June 05, 2004
Honk if you love ninjas.
I have loved ninjas since I can remember. There is nothing more bad ass and pure than a ninja.
Here are a couple of my favorite sites
Best Ninja Site Ever. (mute or reduce your speaker volume)
This guy's insane, but he loves Ninjas, as everybody should.
This second site is awesome, but not Ninja-related.
This Bay Area dude makes his own Kung Fu movies. Their tag line "Just Like Porno, but with Kung Fu instead of Sex."
Check em out.
The Kwoon.
Enjoy, and support your local Kung Fu filmmaker.
I have loved ninjas since I can remember. There is nothing more bad ass and pure than a ninja.
Here are a couple of my favorite sites
Best Ninja Site Ever. (mute or reduce your speaker volume)
This guy's insane, but he loves Ninjas, as everybody should.
This second site is awesome, but not Ninja-related.
This Bay Area dude makes his own Kung Fu movies. Their tag line "Just Like Porno, but with Kung Fu instead of Sex."
Check em out.
The Kwoon.
Enjoy, and support your local Kung Fu filmmaker.
Thursday, June 03, 2004
I think I was still drunk when I drove to work this morning. Last night's festivities involved the Prince concert, drinking as many beers as I could before walking into the arena, ordering two beers at a time while there, getting more beers during any slow and unrecognizable song, complete with a highly ill-advised drive home finale.
Be sure to ask me about the beer-line derelict next time I see you in person.
Be sure to ask me about the beer-line derelict next time I see you in person.
Tuesday, June 01, 2004
when the usual and accepted way of doing or thinking about something is changed
The right hand need not be ignored any longer… The newest trend is the diamond Right Hand Ring. The diamond Right Hand Ring signifies the strength, success and independence of women of the twenty-first century.
What a bunch of bullshit. Ladies, I hope you see through this nonsense and farce being foisted upon you. What we are seeing here is a paradigm shift, and it's brilliant (no pun intended) from a purely business perspective. The DeBeers mafia has effectively doubled the target market for their product. Imagine how they came up with this one at a meeting.
"All those in favor of doubling our market by tricking women into wearing a diamond ring on their right hand raise their right hand."
As a big fan of capitalism and free markets, I applaud this shameless ruse.
Coca Cola did this same thing a few years ago. Coca Cola used to define their market share based on total soft drinks consumed. As you may well have guessed, the soft drink market is mature, and any growth is incremental if that. Coke took a look at this, and decided their market wasn't just soft drinks, but instead ALL beverages people drink throughout the day. Now they're fighting tea in China, sake in Japan, your morning coffee (have a Coke instead), every damn beverage you enjoy.
Don't drink 7 glasses of water a day. Make it 7 Dasanis(tm) instead.
